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06-03-2011, 12:59 PM
Mar 6, 2011
Family
Couples, cash and conflict
Being open about your spending habits is key to preventing family quarrels
By Lin Wenjian
Every time the latest electronic gadgets are launched in Singapore, Mrs Josephine Cheah rolls her eyes and goes: 'Not again.'
She knows there is a good chance they will end up in her home.
'I think some of these gadgets are useful but the problem is my husband buys them even when I think we don't need them,' says the housewife.
In his defence, her husband, 35-year-old software engineer Kevjn Cheah, says: 'In my job, it is important to keep myself up to date with what is in the market. I need to buy the latest products to know how useful they are.'
That explanation cuts no ice with Mrs Cheah, 34, who describes her husband's penchant for changing mobile phones and laptops every year as 'crazy'.
But the mother of two boys, aged five and three years, acknowledges that despite his 'expensive hobby', her husband is responsible. He pays the household expenses and sets aside a regular sum of money every month as their children's education fund.
'On special dates such as my birthday, he also buys me nice presents, so I try not to nag him so much,' she says with a smile.
Money matters are probably second only to extra-marital relationships as the main cause of marital breakdown, says family and marriage therapist Benny Bong.
He explains: 'Spouses are less forgiving if financial hardship comes as the result of poor financial management and planning.'
Ms Chang Song Eng, head of Reach Counselling Service, adds: 'Couples need to share their financial DNA or dollar sense.'
This means coming clean with each other about spending habits and attitudes towards money.
This is practised by civil servant Joachim Chen, 28, and his wife, writer Sylvia Ong, 29. They are frank with each other about their expectations.
Ms Ong says: 'I used to ask my husband for pocket money, but he said he didn't see the need when I am earning my own keep. But I told him women like to be pampered, so we have agreed that he pays for our meals together and also gives me a small token when he gets his bonus or when he's feeling rich.'
On his part, the doting husband had to come to terms with the fact that she is not as frugal as him: 'My wife shops too often and buys too much bubble tea. I used to get cross with her but now, as long as she spends within her means, I'm okay,' he says.
The couple have been married for two years and have a son who turns two next month. Even though they both contribute to paying their monthly bills and expenses, Ms Ong says her husband pays more because of his higher income.
He is all for open channels. 'It's hard to keep secrets between couples. Besides, if a couple can't be honest with something as important as wealth, it is a sign of deeper issues or problems,' he says.
One way that public relations consultant Loh Hsian Ming and her husband, senior corporate communications manager Elgen Kua, stay accountable to each other is through their joint savings account.
Ms Loh, 33, says: 'It makes sense to have one joint account to manage money matters for our home and three-year-old daughter.'
But she and her 36-year-old husband still keep separate personal accounts to 'spend and invest as we personally wish'.
'We both believe in being financially independent, so it is only fair that you can spend and plan with your hard-earned money the way you wish,' she says.
Reach Counselling's Ms Chang says it is normal for married couples to want to keep separate bank accounts, but stresses the importance of having financial documents such as insurance policies accessible to the other party.
She elaborates: 'It builds trust and increases couple security, much like we know that our spouse's mobile phone is accessible to us. We would not need to check but knowing that there is nothing to hide enhances the trust tremendously.'
This is why senior sales executive Stephanie Chan, 25, updates her husband every three or four months on how much money there is in their bank account, which she manages.
Her husband, business manager Seah En San, 29, pays most of their bills with money from their joint account, as agreed early on in their two-year marriage. They also contribute equally to paying the other household expenses.
For the recent Chinese New Year, Ms Chan says she informed her husband when she withdrew about $1,000 for hongbao giveaways.
'We are both quite generous but maybe I'm even more so because I tend to give equally to both family and friends. He is more inclined to be generous only to family,' she adds.
Their one little problem lies in the fact that she loves to shop and he does not. Sometimes, to pre-empt any disapproval of her spending habits, she 'bribes' him.
She says with a laugh: 'I use the money from my personal account when I go shopping and sometimes I buy things for him, too.'
But Mr Seah says he has never been angry with her about her purchases. It is probably because the couple, who do not have children, make it a point to consult each other before splurging on big items.
Taxi driver John Ng, 53, believes that while it is important to keep his wife involved in money matters, ultimately, only one person should make the decision.
'If you keep discussing, then you will probably not buy anything. So if I think I need to buy something, I will just do it,' he says. His wife, a housewife, 49, declined to be interviewed.
Mr Cheah disagrees with Mr Ng.
He says: 'If my wife is not happy about the things I buy, it will sour our marriage, so I would rather spend some time convincing her before I buy.'
wenjian@sph.com.sg
Family
Couples, cash and conflict
Being open about your spending habits is key to preventing family quarrels
By Lin Wenjian
Every time the latest electronic gadgets are launched in Singapore, Mrs Josephine Cheah rolls her eyes and goes: 'Not again.'
She knows there is a good chance they will end up in her home.
'I think some of these gadgets are useful but the problem is my husband buys them even when I think we don't need them,' says the housewife.
In his defence, her husband, 35-year-old software engineer Kevjn Cheah, says: 'In my job, it is important to keep myself up to date with what is in the market. I need to buy the latest products to know how useful they are.'
That explanation cuts no ice with Mrs Cheah, 34, who describes her husband's penchant for changing mobile phones and laptops every year as 'crazy'.
But the mother of two boys, aged five and three years, acknowledges that despite his 'expensive hobby', her husband is responsible. He pays the household expenses and sets aside a regular sum of money every month as their children's education fund.
'On special dates such as my birthday, he also buys me nice presents, so I try not to nag him so much,' she says with a smile.
Money matters are probably second only to extra-marital relationships as the main cause of marital breakdown, says family and marriage therapist Benny Bong.
He explains: 'Spouses are less forgiving if financial hardship comes as the result of poor financial management and planning.'
Ms Chang Song Eng, head of Reach Counselling Service, adds: 'Couples need to share their financial DNA or dollar sense.'
This means coming clean with each other about spending habits and attitudes towards money.
This is practised by civil servant Joachim Chen, 28, and his wife, writer Sylvia Ong, 29. They are frank with each other about their expectations.
Ms Ong says: 'I used to ask my husband for pocket money, but he said he didn't see the need when I am earning my own keep. But I told him women like to be pampered, so we have agreed that he pays for our meals together and also gives me a small token when he gets his bonus or when he's feeling rich.'
On his part, the doting husband had to come to terms with the fact that she is not as frugal as him: 'My wife shops too often and buys too much bubble tea. I used to get cross with her but now, as long as she spends within her means, I'm okay,' he says.
The couple have been married for two years and have a son who turns two next month. Even though they both contribute to paying their monthly bills and expenses, Ms Ong says her husband pays more because of his higher income.
He is all for open channels. 'It's hard to keep secrets between couples. Besides, if a couple can't be honest with something as important as wealth, it is a sign of deeper issues or problems,' he says.
One way that public relations consultant Loh Hsian Ming and her husband, senior corporate communications manager Elgen Kua, stay accountable to each other is through their joint savings account.
Ms Loh, 33, says: 'It makes sense to have one joint account to manage money matters for our home and three-year-old daughter.'
But she and her 36-year-old husband still keep separate personal accounts to 'spend and invest as we personally wish'.
'We both believe in being financially independent, so it is only fair that you can spend and plan with your hard-earned money the way you wish,' she says.
Reach Counselling's Ms Chang says it is normal for married couples to want to keep separate bank accounts, but stresses the importance of having financial documents such as insurance policies accessible to the other party.
She elaborates: 'It builds trust and increases couple security, much like we know that our spouse's mobile phone is accessible to us. We would not need to check but knowing that there is nothing to hide enhances the trust tremendously.'
This is why senior sales executive Stephanie Chan, 25, updates her husband every three or four months on how much money there is in their bank account, which she manages.
Her husband, business manager Seah En San, 29, pays most of their bills with money from their joint account, as agreed early on in their two-year marriage. They also contribute equally to paying the other household expenses.
For the recent Chinese New Year, Ms Chan says she informed her husband when she withdrew about $1,000 for hongbao giveaways.
'We are both quite generous but maybe I'm even more so because I tend to give equally to both family and friends. He is more inclined to be generous only to family,' she adds.
Their one little problem lies in the fact that she loves to shop and he does not. Sometimes, to pre-empt any disapproval of her spending habits, she 'bribes' him.
She says with a laugh: 'I use the money from my personal account when I go shopping and sometimes I buy things for him, too.'
But Mr Seah says he has never been angry with her about her purchases. It is probably because the couple, who do not have children, make it a point to consult each other before splurging on big items.
Taxi driver John Ng, 53, believes that while it is important to keep his wife involved in money matters, ultimately, only one person should make the decision.
'If you keep discussing, then you will probably not buy anything. So if I think I need to buy something, I will just do it,' he says. His wife, a housewife, 49, declined to be interviewed.
Mr Cheah disagrees with Mr Ng.
He says: 'If my wife is not happy about the things I buy, it will sour our marriage, so I would rather spend some time convincing her before I buy.'
wenjian@sph.com.sg
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