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PR Newswire
16-10-2011, 08:09 AM
Is this really the way to find and retain girls? 
The Straits Times
Oct 16, 2011
School of romance
What does it take to be a real ladies' man? Kezia Toh joins a class of men under the tutelage of Dr David Tian, Singapore's newest men's dating coach, to find out.
Complimenting girls he fancied did not seem to work for project engineer Ganaesh Kumaresan.
Once, after meeting a girl for the first time, the 22-year-old praised her lovely smile, then her dress. Her rebuff left him scratching his head in bewilderment.
He decided it was time to go back to school - to Aura Dating Academy, which claims to be the first such school in Singapore.
Unlike other schools, this academy has no fixed location for its classes. It uses small rented lecture rooms in offering a year-long course to train men in the art of dating and getting into a relationship.
And instead of toting around textbooks and advocating the recitation of formulas, instructors focus on 'basics', such as teasing, flirting and humour.
More 'advanced' modules include projecting sexual vibes, and understanding the Singaporean woman.
The academy, set up in January this year, currently has 60 students, who have each dished out $4,500 in course fees.
They are aged from 20 to 38, and part of their learning involves them sharing their own dating experiences - particularly those that went wrong.
While such moments may be uncomfortable fodder for classroom discussion, the goal is to learn from them.
During one of these sharing sessions, the 'lessons' come thick and fast.
One should not be too needy, or be too eager to seek a girl's approval. Don't compliment a girl right away - instead wait until she has truly earned it.
The class learns that while playing hard to get is usually part of the lady's arsenal of tricks, men can use it too.
But only if it is done well, as Mr Kumaresan now knows. The ploy, which he tried at a club, backfired on him, and the girl he had his eye on left him on the dance floor.
Still, there are no red faces here.
'It's about sharing and discussing,' he says. 'If not, I might continue to fumble and not know what went wrong, or even right.'
Dr Date
The students come under the watchful eye of Dr David Tian, who has a PhD in Asian cultures.
The academy offers classes of four to 10 hours a week, depending on their level.
In-class drills are usually done at the end of class, for students to test out what they have learnt - for example, how to approach a girl at a cafe.
Practical sessions see the students spill out onto the streets and into bars and clubs, so they can practise their skills in real-life situations.
There is even homework. One assignment involves approaching girls using direct pick-up lines at least 10 times a week.
Another requires students to write a reflective essay on ideal qualities and how to achieve them.
Dr Tian, 34, is divorced, and has a girlfriend. He was born in Taiwan, and moved to the United States as a child.
He arrived in Singapore in 2008 and taught philosophy at the National University of Singapore, before leaving last year to focus full- time on his lifestyle consulting business, Aura Dating.
He was also The New Paper's relationship columnist, Dr Date, in 2008 and 2009.
Dr Tian is expecting his student intake to go up. He takes in five to 12 new members a month now, but expects enrolment to double by the end of this year.
He insists that men who learn proper dating skills can eventually find that special someone instead of just 'settling' for a partner.
This is because it is possible for a man to 'get better' with time, and even interest beautiful women they may be interested in.
'At the first sign of resistance from a girl, local men just draw back, because they do not know how to tease, or handle the situation,' he says.
'What we focus on is being sexy and being romantic - always with a view of getting a girlfriend and getting her to think sexually about you, instead of just being friends.'
This focus is different from those of dating agencies that merely set up dates, he adds.
'If you don't know what to do on these dates, you may just end up talking about boring things.'
Such handicaps should not hobble Singaporean men, who already face a shrinking dating pool here.
Dr Tian believes that educated local women are increasingly dating expatriates, as a result of local men making simple mistakes like backing away too soon.
'A confident expatriate man may come into the circle and take over the social situation. Local men just back down, because they may not have the skills to set up a good conversation.'
And while most of Dr Tian's students list intelligence as a trait they would like in their ideal woman, the irony is that many men do not know how to cope with it.
He says: 'Most men, when a girl challenges them, do not know how to be witty in response, and they get intimidated instead.'
Superficial values?
Dating experts The Sunday Times spoke to applauded the fact that men at Dr Tian's academy are willing to better themselves.
But they added that the new-found skills should be put to good use.
Ms Lydia Gan, president of the Association of Dating Agencies and Matchmakers, says: 'I hope the academy will share healthy values with these men, to make use of new skills to find a suitable partner, and not to manipulate ladies.'
There is also concern that focusing on getting beautiful women could be superficial.
Mr Matthew Chan, director of Love Express Services, notes: 'By having practicals in clubs and on the streets, the men are conditioned such that the first impression - how the girls look - becomes a deciding factor.'
Still, the academy fits a gap in the market, says matchmaking agency Lunch Actually's founder Violet Lim.
'Most dating services or platforms focus on the 'meeting' part, but it is also about 'being' the right one,' she says.
Dr Tian's students insist that it is not just about picking up that hot chick at the club. Some say it is about improving oneself as a person, and getting that dream girl is a bonus.
Mr Kumaresan says: 'It is not an expense, but an investment in myself - to make me into a better person, because it teaches traits and qualities that are attractive.'
Another student, media client service officer A. Sidek, 22, says the classes teach courage.
'We are social creatures, so it's about taking the initiative to go out there and build connections. In the process, maybe I could meet my girlfriend or future wife as well,' he says.
keziatoh@sph.com.sg
The Straits Times
Oct 16, 2011
School of romance
What does it take to be a real ladies' man? Kezia Toh joins a class of men under the tutelage of Dr David Tian, Singapore's newest men's dating coach, to find out.
Complimenting girls he fancied did not seem to work for project engineer Ganaesh Kumaresan.
Once, after meeting a girl for the first time, the 22-year-old praised her lovely smile, then her dress. Her rebuff left him scratching his head in bewilderment.
He decided it was time to go back to school - to Aura Dating Academy, which claims to be the first such school in Singapore.
Unlike other schools, this academy has no fixed location for its classes. It uses small rented lecture rooms in offering a year-long course to train men in the art of dating and getting into a relationship.
And instead of toting around textbooks and advocating the recitation of formulas, instructors focus on 'basics', such as teasing, flirting and humour.
More 'advanced' modules include projecting sexual vibes, and understanding the Singaporean woman.
The academy, set up in January this year, currently has 60 students, who have each dished out $4,500 in course fees.
They are aged from 20 to 38, and part of their learning involves them sharing their own dating experiences - particularly those that went wrong.
While such moments may be uncomfortable fodder for classroom discussion, the goal is to learn from them.
During one of these sharing sessions, the 'lessons' come thick and fast.
One should not be too needy, or be too eager to seek a girl's approval. Don't compliment a girl right away - instead wait until she has truly earned it.
The class learns that while playing hard to get is usually part of the lady's arsenal of tricks, men can use it too.
But only if it is done well, as Mr Kumaresan now knows. The ploy, which he tried at a club, backfired on him, and the girl he had his eye on left him on the dance floor.
Still, there are no red faces here.
'It's about sharing and discussing,' he says. 'If not, I might continue to fumble and not know what went wrong, or even right.'
Dr Date
The students come under the watchful eye of Dr David Tian, who has a PhD in Asian cultures.
The academy offers classes of four to 10 hours a week, depending on their level.
In-class drills are usually done at the end of class, for students to test out what they have learnt - for example, how to approach a girl at a cafe.
Practical sessions see the students spill out onto the streets and into bars and clubs, so they can practise their skills in real-life situations.
There is even homework. One assignment involves approaching girls using direct pick-up lines at least 10 times a week.
Another requires students to write a reflective essay on ideal qualities and how to achieve them.
Dr Tian, 34, is divorced, and has a girlfriend. He was born in Taiwan, and moved to the United States as a child.
He arrived in Singapore in 2008 and taught philosophy at the National University of Singapore, before leaving last year to focus full- time on his lifestyle consulting business, Aura Dating.
He was also The New Paper's relationship columnist, Dr Date, in 2008 and 2009.
Dr Tian is expecting his student intake to go up. He takes in five to 12 new members a month now, but expects enrolment to double by the end of this year.
He insists that men who learn proper dating skills can eventually find that special someone instead of just 'settling' for a partner.
This is because it is possible for a man to 'get better' with time, and even interest beautiful women they may be interested in.
'At the first sign of resistance from a girl, local men just draw back, because they do not know how to tease, or handle the situation,' he says.
'What we focus on is being sexy and being romantic - always with a view of getting a girlfriend and getting her to think sexually about you, instead of just being friends.'
This focus is different from those of dating agencies that merely set up dates, he adds.
'If you don't know what to do on these dates, you may just end up talking about boring things.'
Such handicaps should not hobble Singaporean men, who already face a shrinking dating pool here.
Dr Tian believes that educated local women are increasingly dating expatriates, as a result of local men making simple mistakes like backing away too soon.
'A confident expatriate man may come into the circle and take over the social situation. Local men just back down, because they may not have the skills to set up a good conversation.'
And while most of Dr Tian's students list intelligence as a trait they would like in their ideal woman, the irony is that many men do not know how to cope with it.
He says: 'Most men, when a girl challenges them, do not know how to be witty in response, and they get intimidated instead.'
Superficial values?
Dating experts The Sunday Times spoke to applauded the fact that men at Dr Tian's academy are willing to better themselves.
But they added that the new-found skills should be put to good use.
Ms Lydia Gan, president of the Association of Dating Agencies and Matchmakers, says: 'I hope the academy will share healthy values with these men, to make use of new skills to find a suitable partner, and not to manipulate ladies.'
There is also concern that focusing on getting beautiful women could be superficial.
Mr Matthew Chan, director of Love Express Services, notes: 'By having practicals in clubs and on the streets, the men are conditioned such that the first impression - how the girls look - becomes a deciding factor.'
Still, the academy fits a gap in the market, says matchmaking agency Lunch Actually's founder Violet Lim.
'Most dating services or platforms focus on the 'meeting' part, but it is also about 'being' the right one,' she says.
Dr Tian's students insist that it is not just about picking up that hot chick at the club. Some say it is about improving oneself as a person, and getting that dream girl is a bonus.
Mr Kumaresan says: 'It is not an expense, but an investment in myself - to make me into a better person, because it teaches traits and qualities that are attractive.'
Another student, media client service officer A. Sidek, 22, says the classes teach courage.
'We are social creatures, so it's about taking the initiative to go out there and build connections. In the process, maybe I could meet my girlfriend or future wife as well,' he says.
keziatoh@sph.com.sg
My Value Investing Blog: http://sgmusicwhiz.blogspot.com/